Traditional norms of masculinity continue to strongly influence the way men experience and deal with mental health in North Macedonia and across the region.
The idea that “men don’t cry” or that they should solve their problems on their own often discourages them from seeking professional help. As a result, many men seek psychological support only when their problems have already become more serious.
In a conversation for MollëkuqjaMollekuqja, psychologist and psychotherapist Vala Adili spoke about the impact of gender stereotypes on men’s mental well-being, the barriers that prevent them from seeking help, and what society can do to reduce stigma and improve access to mental health care.
How do traditional norms of masculinity in the Republic of North Macedonia and the region influence the perception and acceptance of mental health among men? Does stigma remain the main barrier to seeking help?
Burrat në Maqedoninë e Veriut si edhe në shumicën e vendeve tjera të botës kërkojnë më pak mbështetje psikologjike në krahasim me gratë.
In my experience as a psychologist and psychotherapist, out of ten people who seek psychological support, two to three are men. This is largely in line with global statistics, which show that women seek psychological help nearly three times more often than men.
Even when they attend couples therapy, in most cases it is the woman who has initiated the process. Traditional norms are precisely what make men feel uncomfortable seeking help. From an early age, they receive the message—first from the family and later from other groups they belong to—that emotions have no place in men’s lives: men do not cry, they do not get hurt, they do not complain, and they are expected to solve difficulties on their own..
Such messages alienate men from their human nature, closing off an essential aspect of mental well-being and making their emotions inaccessible even to themselves.
How accessible is professional support for men, and what are the main barriers to treatment—economic, institutional, or cultural?
Professional support is equally accessible to both men and women. Economic barriers affect everyone alike, as in most cases psychological help is something individuals must cover themselves. Exceptions include cases where organizations or companies provide emotional support for their employees, as well as private hospitals or educational institutions that have school psychologists.
Shumë psikologë po edukohen dhe aftësohen për shërbime të mirëfillta psikoterapeutike por edhe shoqata të ndryshme implementojnë programe që ofrojnë shërbime psikologjike për grupe të ndryshme vulnerabël. Ndërsa sa u përket barrierave kulturore, me ta përballen me shume burrat sepse shpesh vajtja në terapi llogaritet si “ çështje e grave”.
Do mental health problems in men manifest in different ways—for example through aggression, isolation, or substance abuse—and how can they be identified earlier?
Based on my experience, men often come to therapy when things have already progressed further—such as alcohol abuse, use of narcotic substances, or gambling addiction.However, when they come with such issues—often at the insistence of their families— they usually do not stay in therapy for long.In general, even when they come with issues such as anxiety, grief, or the loss of a loved one, they tend to seek direct solutions and are not open to exploring the root causes of their problems. They show greater resistance to experiencing emotions that arise during the process, largely due to stigma that prevents them from being vulnerable, as well as a lack of familiarity with this aspect of themselves.
The greatest prevention in such cases would be fostering closer emotional bonds within the family during early childhood, secure attachment between mother and child, nurturing empathy, accepting children as they are rather than as we wish them to be, and building relationships in which every emotion is welcome.
What structural measures and public policies would most help improve men’s mental well-being and reduce stigma?
Reducing stigma would be greatly supported by quality education in which gender equality is not just a topic in the curriculum, but a lived environment where children grow up without being forced—neither girls to suppress their strength nor boys their sensitivity.
I also believe that reintroducing psychology as a mandatory subject in secondary schools would be a valuable opportunity for everyone to learn what belongs to human nature and what stems from prejudice.
It is a profound injustice that society expects boys to cut off an essential part of themselves—their emotionality—and an even greater tragedy that they come to accept this as normal.
